So life has been crazily up and down lately. When I'm the rational, no-nonsense, plans-and-lists Jenna, I can write out why exactly I should be happy ... but my emotions don't always seem to match that. For example now: I have only 2 (semi-easy) finals left tomorrow, I have an Enactus team breakfast at Elmer's tomorrow morning, I have some fun (likely) summer plans coming together, Tiera is coming home tomorrow, and my family is going to Palm Desert for spring break. But I can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm this warrants. I know tomorrow after I nail these finals (hopefully) and set off for home, the excitement will hit, but it is unlike me to be so gray-feeling for so long.
I seem to be more introspective these days (months?), evaluating my motives and thoughts and feelings and goals; and it is tiring. I want to follow God's plan for my life but feel very pulled to follow the traditional plan that society urges. It seems every day I am told what I should seek after, what career I should take, what is logical and normal and good. But I don't want to fit that mold anymore and I know God has called me to another purpose. Still, it is going to take serious grace and confidence in Christ to shield against "the norms" of society, friends, family, etc. and pursue the unique plan He has for me. Plus I am always wondering whether this is me secretly trying to follow my own selfish wants. These days I am so glad for journaling because when I am doubting I can look back on times when God's will was so clear and bold and feel re-energized in this plan.
So I'm going to accept my feelings right now and hope that tomorrow wakes with a smile and brighter outlook. I tell myself that individual days will have their ups and downs and as long as my overall life trajectory is one of optimism and smiles, I am doing well. God never promised sunshine for 100% of the time, and as long as I walk with Him I can be promised of sunshine in the future -- and a shelter to hide under in times of rain.
I'm a twenty-something from the Pacific NW making home in new places as I follow where God leads.
My intent is to show Christ's love to the world and use business to solve some of the social problems we face: hunger, illiteracy, healthcare, economic hardship. For now, I'm in a stage of learning. A little adventuring, a few books, some good friends, and a whole lot of prayer and life runs on.